Thanks for all your patience with my sporadic posting. I've started a new job; the new job schedule is a bit wonky; the neighbor fucks are keeping me up late with their noise and waking me up at the ass-crack of dawn; and I just don't have much energy right now.
On the preggo/baybee/chyldrun/breeder ads, I still need to check on the adsense ads to see what's going on. I've sent a few pointed notes to the adsense crew about what we are and why their ads suck for us.
So, that's what's what.
Are there any topics you would like to see covered? Let me know, and I'll see what I can whip up in an irreverent manner. :-) I have several in mind, and I have to fire up the word processor and start in on them.
Thanks again for your patience as I get everything under control.
Cheers!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Dear Google Adsense:
Dear Google Adsense,
I placed your gizmo on my blog, because I thought it was a cool concept, and who doesn't need a spare ten cents every now and again? Obviously, this is not going to make anyone loads of money, but I was curious to see what kind of ads you would have for the childfree. Curiosity satisfied, I must continue into my rant.
Your data-mining programs or whatever they are called have decided that childfree people want pregnancy, babies, ultrasounds, diaper deals, bottles, strollers, etc. We don't. We never will. That's why we are childfree! Unfortunately, your little program that searches the blogs for relevant words to decide which ads to post - well, it's not as smart as you think it is.
You know what else I dislike about your adsense doohickey? We can block all sorts of categories of ads, so I was able to block ads for baby care and hygiene. Unfortunately, when I tried to block pregnancy ads, I couldn't. I can block ads about reproductive health, but I am unable to block ads about healthy pregnancy. I can block a category called "Sexual and Reproductive Health." This category's description, "Includes sexual function and fertility ads; does not include normal pregnancy resources."
One point in its favor is that it includes fertility ads. However, it does not include normal pregnancy resources? I am completely against pregnancy and childbearing. I am so much against it that I am on the other side of it! Why can't I block that?
Let me try to tell you how I feel about the pregnancy, baby, and child-related ads you put on my blog. Would you post ads for free trips to hell to visit Satan and his minions on a Christian blogger's blog? Well? Would you post an "Abort your baby now! Call 1-800-WIRE-HANGER to speak with a representative now" on a blog about pregnancy? That's exactly what you're doing to us.
I understand that adsense is something my blog can do without. I'd like to see some ads up there for adults-only resorts and cruises and any other adults-only thing you can find. I wanted these ads on my blog so we might be able to find some new venue for our dates and vacations. I wanted these ads on my blog so sterilization, birth control, and yes, even abortion ads would be available to those who don't know all the options that are out there.
Sadly, Google, you seem to be a little TOO family friendly for me. Unfortunately, I am entangled in your tentacles, and I am too lazy to cut myself out of gmail, googledocs, google reader, blogger, etc. I can do one thing, however. I can remove the ads if you do not address my concerns.
I will be copying and pasting this blog post in an e-mail to the google adsense team.
I placed your gizmo on my blog, because I thought it was a cool concept, and who doesn't need a spare ten cents every now and again? Obviously, this is not going to make anyone loads of money, but I was curious to see what kind of ads you would have for the childfree. Curiosity satisfied, I must continue into my rant.
Your data-mining programs or whatever they are called have decided that childfree people want pregnancy, babies, ultrasounds, diaper deals, bottles, strollers, etc. We don't. We never will. That's why we are childfree! Unfortunately, your little program that searches the blogs for relevant words to decide which ads to post - well, it's not as smart as you think it is.
You know what else I dislike about your adsense doohickey? We can block all sorts of categories of ads, so I was able to block ads for baby care and hygiene. Unfortunately, when I tried to block pregnancy ads, I couldn't. I can block ads about reproductive health, but I am unable to block ads about healthy pregnancy. I can block a category called "Sexual and Reproductive Health." This category's description, "Includes sexual function and fertility ads; does not include normal pregnancy resources."
One point in its favor is that it includes fertility ads. However, it does not include normal pregnancy resources? I am completely against pregnancy and childbearing. I am so much against it that I am on the other side of it! Why can't I block that?
Let me try to tell you how I feel about the pregnancy, baby, and child-related ads you put on my blog. Would you post ads for free trips to hell to visit Satan and his minions on a Christian blogger's blog? Well? Would you post an "Abort your baby now! Call 1-800-WIRE-HANGER to speak with a representative now" on a blog about pregnancy? That's exactly what you're doing to us.
I understand that adsense is something my blog can do without. I'd like to see some ads up there for adults-only resorts and cruises and any other adults-only thing you can find. I wanted these ads on my blog so we might be able to find some new venue for our dates and vacations. I wanted these ads on my blog so sterilization, birth control, and yes, even abortion ads would be available to those who don't know all the options that are out there.
Sadly, Google, you seem to be a little TOO family friendly for me. Unfortunately, I am entangled in your tentacles, and I am too lazy to cut myself out of gmail, googledocs, google reader, blogger, etc. I can do one thing, however. I can remove the ads if you do not address my concerns.
I will be copying and pasting this blog post in an e-mail to the google adsense team.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Oh yes, I'm a bitch.
The following will be sent off to the property manager after two weeks of logging the most significantly LOUD noises.
Yes, the people upstairs have kids. No, that is not an excuse for making a ridiculous amount of noise to the point where I think my ceiling is going to come crashing down. Footsteps and creaks are fine. Pounding, stomping, and crashing are not.
Begin log here:
What follows is a log of the types of noises; places from which they seem to originate; and what the noises sound like. Since I am not upstairs witnessing the actual noise production, this is my best estimation of what is happening.
07/07/2011
9:34 p.m. - stomping/pounding noises above the kitchen.
10:08 p.m. - moving furniture in the kitchen (sounded like heavy furniture being dragged across a hard floor).
10:33 p.m. - more stomping/pounding noises from above the living room area and stomping/pounding noises from the hallway area.
10:47 p.m. - rapid thumping above the living-room area and pounding above the kitchen area.
07/08/2011
6:34 p.m. - stomping/pounding noises above the living-room and entry-way.
6:38 p.m. - large booms from above the living room."
End log, begin confrontation.
Sorry, new neighbors, the welcoming committee does not live here. I went upstairs and asked, "Why does my kitchen ceiling sound like it's going to fall down?"
I would not have launched this campaign had they just said, "We're sorry. We'll try to keep it down." instead of "We weren't even home, it couldn't have been us." (oh really? Why is your car out front? Oh, and if you weren't home, someone must have broken in, because it came from YOUR APARTMENT.) The cunt also came out with, "Are you attacking my parenting skills?"
Um, yeah. Bitch. You should have given head or taken it up the ass if you weren't going to be a proper parent to your fucking crotch droppings.
Yes, the people upstairs have kids. No, that is not an excuse for making a ridiculous amount of noise to the point where I think my ceiling is going to come crashing down. Footsteps and creaks are fine. Pounding, stomping, and crashing are not.
Begin log here:
What follows is a log of the types of noises; places from which they seem to originate; and what the noises sound like. Since I am not upstairs witnessing the actual noise production, this is my best estimation of what is happening.
07/07/2011
9:34 p.m. - stomping/pounding noises above the kitchen.
10:08 p.m. - moving furniture in the kitchen (sounded like heavy furniture being dragged across a hard floor).
10:33 p.m. - more stomping/pounding noises from above the living room area and stomping/pounding noises from the hallway area.
10:47 p.m. - rapid thumping above the living-room area and pounding above the kitchen area.
07/08/2011
6:34 p.m. - stomping/pounding noises above the living-room and entry-way.
6:38 p.m. - large booms from above the living room."
End log, begin confrontation.
Sorry, new neighbors, the welcoming committee does not live here. I went upstairs and asked, "Why does my kitchen ceiling sound like it's going to fall down?"
I would not have launched this campaign had they just said, "We're sorry. We'll try to keep it down." instead of "We weren't even home, it couldn't have been us." (oh really? Why is your car out front? Oh, and if you weren't home, someone must have broken in, because it came from YOUR APARTMENT.) The cunt also came out with, "Are you attacking my parenting skills?"
Um, yeah. Bitch. You should have given head or taken it up the ass if you weren't going to be a proper parent to your fucking crotch droppings.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Ten Reasons I Think Pregnancy Is Horrifying
1. Something is growing inside you, consuming your resources, and dumping its wastes into your body. Tapeworms do this too. Zygote/Embryo/Fetus = PARASITE.
2. Constipation. I've heard pregnant women get constipated quite often. That must suck balls.
3. Losing track of your own dimensions. I imagine walking around with a pregnant belly would be like trying to back into a parking space in someone else's car. Awkward at best, tragic at worst.
4. Tests. Lots of tests. Blood tests, pelvic exams, urine tests, sonograms. Tests, tests, tests.
5. Random strangers touching your belly. No thanks. I'd kick anyone who tried to touch me without my permission.
6. Edema. Pregnant women swell up all over the place, not just in the belly. No. Discomfort is not how I roll.
7. Peeing all the fucking time, due to hormones, increased blood volume, and a parasite pushing on your bladder. Who thinks that sounds like fun? Anyone? Didn't think so.
8. All the shit that can go wrong. Pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, hemorrhaging. Many other complications and dangers exist, but I thought I'd share my top three.
9. Not being able to sleep in normal positions. I would be a grouchy bitch all the fucking time.
10. Last, but certainly not least, at the end of the pregnancy, you squirt a wrinkled, helpless, incontinent, squalling little being out of your vagina. Unlike light bulbs, you can not unscrew a pregnant woman. The resulting kid is what is the most horrifying thing of all.
2. Constipation. I've heard pregnant women get constipated quite often. That must suck balls.
3. Losing track of your own dimensions. I imagine walking around with a pregnant belly would be like trying to back into a parking space in someone else's car. Awkward at best, tragic at worst.
4. Tests. Lots of tests. Blood tests, pelvic exams, urine tests, sonograms. Tests, tests, tests.
5. Random strangers touching your belly. No thanks. I'd kick anyone who tried to touch me without my permission.
6. Edema. Pregnant women swell up all over the place, not just in the belly. No. Discomfort is not how I roll.
7. Peeing all the fucking time, due to hormones, increased blood volume, and a parasite pushing on your bladder. Who thinks that sounds like fun? Anyone? Didn't think so.
8. All the shit that can go wrong. Pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, hemorrhaging. Many other complications and dangers exist, but I thought I'd share my top three.
9. Not being able to sleep in normal positions. I would be a grouchy bitch all the fucking time.
10. Last, but certainly not least, at the end of the pregnancy, you squirt a wrinkled, helpless, incontinent, squalling little being out of your vagina. Unlike light bulbs, you can not unscrew a pregnant woman. The resulting kid is what is the most horrifying thing of all.
Friday, July 1, 2011
A Bit About Me
I am feeling rather self-absorbed today, so I shall let you, dear reader, know a bit about me and why I am writing a blog about being childfree.
My husband and I got married when I was in my late twenties and he was thirty. We wanted some time to ourselves before we even decided to talk about whether or not we wanted to spawn. At this point, I was following the socially normal life path of getting married, then having children.
Fortunately, my baby train derailed when I discovered the term childfree. I've never felt an overwhelming desire to be a mother. I just kind of thought that's what people did once they got married (unless they were unable to breed). After I found out about the planned childfree lifestyle, I felt like I had come home.
For quite some time, I thought I was broken, because I had no desire to have one of my eggs fertilized; carry the parasite for nine months; then, have my vagina and vulva ravaged by expelling the resulting tiny, helpless product of conception. I had no desire to nurture an infant, see it through the toddler years, rear it up through its childhood, teens, and ultimately, be there for it into its adulthood.
I much prefer being an awesome aunt to my awesome nephew (who goes home after our fun days together) to being a parent to an ungrateful brat I can't give back. I've known people who jokingly try to sell their kids, give them away, or offer to pay someone for the removal of their children. With me, it wouldn't be a joke.
For now, my husband and I are living modestly, doing jobs we enjoy, because we don't need to make boatloads of money to support a child and its needs and wants. We don't have to pick up the kids from daycare, fix chicken nuggets for a picky toddler, bathe the sticky brat, and put it to bed only to have it crawling into bed with us at eleven o'clock at night. We work, come home, eat a grown-up dinner, talk to each other, play video games with each other, and go to bed side by side. This is our bliss.
On our days off, we spend time together or apart, confidently. Our relationship is not strained by the presence of children. We don't have to struggle to find work-family balance. It is just there. I can go out of town to visit my friends and family, and I don't have to worry about whether or not my husband is going to get everything right. He only has himself to take care of, and he's a big boy. Likewise, he does not have to feel guilty about leaving me with the kids when he has plans. This is our balance.
Since this post wasn't terribly offensive, I shall have to remedy this at a later date. I'll tell you all about my thoughts on children, breeding, fertility treatments, breeders, wanna-breeders, and all that other stuff that makes me froth at the mouth.
Until next time, farewell.
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